Friday, September 26, 2008
Contraduction within relationships (Ch. 12)
Baxter and Montgomery came up with a brilliant theory when it comes to the "tug of war" theory. I'm sure it is something no one every really realized, but relationships need some form of balance. They cannot survive without it. For a relationship to work, there has to be some form of contradiction. A couple needs both interdependence and independence from each other. If a couple is too dependent on each other, they will not be able to survive very well when they are away from each other. They may develop some anxiety or what some of us like to call "needy tendencies" without their partner. I know for me, it makes me go back and wonder what happened to all of my relationships. Was I the one that couldn't be independent enough, or was it my partner who couldn't be interdependent enough? Did it really not work because there was no balance within the relationship? It really makes me wonder. It also makes me think that if I had taken this class any many years ago, I think I would have been able to avoid a lot of breakups.
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2 comments:
I can relate to this concept as well. I think that the points that Baxter and Montgomery came up with for ch.12 were very valid. Unfortunately it is hard to decide what the couple needs at any given time. I think it is also hard to look outside the relationship to be able to decide what steps to make to help resolve issues such as these. Currently I am also taking an Interpersonal communication class and there are similar issues discussed except for more in depth. While reading I think that the concepts are really elementary, but they really describe the situations well. Too bad applying the information is harder then just reading it.
I have noticed from personal experience that balance and contradiction in relationships are very important things. I have also come to accept that whoever I end up with will most likely be more outgoing than me since I tend to be more on the quiet side. it seems people often find significant others that compliment them in areas where they lack. When you really think about it, life would be boring in relationships if everyone was just like each other. In essence differences make life exciting. In the past I have seen relationships that have lacked in contradiction and balance and have noticed that while they appear to be great, they do not last very long.
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